1 – Ach well, I suppose it’ll be nice to have a change of scenery from underground and get a good view of the city.
2 – Oh. The fog is three foot deep and the rain is horizontal. No view, but I’ll live.
3 – Wait, where even is the stop? This map makes NO sense. How can it be that far from the station?
4 – Phew, made it to the right stop, and I’m even on the right side of the road for the outer line. First hurdle.
5 – Only a pound for the bus, ya dancer.
6 – WHAT D’YE MEAN EXACT FARE ONLY? DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE A POUND IN CHANGE? Right, I’ll just have to get the next one.
7 – How is there no a ticket machine oan the bus? If some nugget can nick a cash machine from TITP then surely you could pop a wee change machine at at the stop. Or let me use my subway card – or even try bossin it with my contactless card?
8 – Imagine if I hopped on and the driver goes ’Do you have contactless?’ me – ‘Why aye I bloody well do, let me just pay for this in a stylish and efficient manner whilst we smile happily and continue our lives as professional human beings’ see that’s how they should be doing it. I’m a genius, I’ll tweet Nicky Sturgeon and we’ll get it all sorted oot.
9 – That awkward moment when you pop into the pub to ask for change for a fiver and get a pint instead.
10 – *20 minutes later* I am here, I have change and I have no fear. Come at me, bus.
11 – Standing room only? Right. Nae bother. No change there then.
12 – Here d’ye mind no leaning on me am no a post.
13 – *everyone falls over as it starts moving.
14 – This doesn’t smell like the subway. What is that smell.
15 – Well, this isn’t so bad. Seems to be a slight lack of urgency with the speed but.
16 – Are we at the next stop yet? I know it won’t be as quick as two minutes but come on, got places to be.
17 – Swear those buildings weren’t there last time I was here. New flats popping up everywhere, classic Glasgow.
18 – SERIOUSLY THOUGH WHERE IS THE NEXT STOP. I’m not sure if I can deal with another 6 of these.
19 – Thank god, made it to the first stop.
20 – That’s a fair crowd of folk. Surely aren’t all waiting for this?
21 – Oh no. They are. And it looks like I’m no the only one who didn’t get the exact fare memo.
22 – Haha, no fare, no ride my friend! That’s how it works around here, better luck next time ya numpty. Imagine not knowing it’s exact change only. Amateur.
23 – Right. At this rate we’ll be at Buchanan Street in approx 1 hour and 15 mins. They must be having a laugh.
24 – Bus crawls are not a thing, sub crawl people. Go home and stop being drunk, this is a serious bus.
25 – I think I might die of old age before we get to town.
26 – Right, my stop’s coming up! Hit dat stop button ooh yeah nailed it.
27 – How are we no stoppin.
28 – Surely we’re close to Buchanan St now
29 – WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?!
30 – LET ME GO
31 – Oh right cool aye this’ll do, cheers driver
32 – Nailed it
33 – Please bring the subway back. I’ll never complain again.