9 Hilarious Truths About Winter in Scotland
It may come as a surprise but Scotland is almost certainly as as famous for its weather as it is for any of our more exotic exports.
But here’s the thing about the Scottish winter, unless you’ve lived here you have no idea what kind of horror awaits when you step out the house after uttering, “oh i’m only popping out, i’ll no need a jacket”…Famous last words.
Lets face it if the weather man told us the truth about the weather we’d refuse to leave the house.
GlasgowLiving Brings You Some Hilarious Truths About Scottish Winter.
1. A Slight Breeze.
Almost certainly a wind strong enough to terrorise a rhino, have you ever seen the movie Twister? Well that’s considered a slight breeze in Scotland. Beneficial only to couples looking to flit, as the wind will actually pick up and transport the entire building 30ft to the right, right on top of a school.
2. We Are Prepared For The Snow
No one can prepare for the full onslaught of Scottish blizzards, Scotland is less the glistening winter wonderland often seen in whimsical Christmas movies such as Home Alone and Miracle on 21st Street, instead Scottish blizzards bear a closer relation to a barren apocalyptic landscape. Only in Scotland can you expect to suffer forecasts such as Thundersnow and Weatherbomb.
3. We Shouldn’t Really Be Trusted to Name Storms
Ahem, “Hurricane Bawbag”, Ahem. The Met Office we presume were not pleased.
4. Hailstones Should Be Renamed Hellstones
Millions of tiny bullets of rock hard ice using your face as target practice. Hailstones are definitely natures “little” grudge match with human beings. The worst thing about hailstones? They will literally descend from the sky at any time and during any season. Like a game of meteorological Russian Roulette.
5. Our Transport Infrastructure Will Fail Miserably
It’s a certainty. Scotland’s councils will boast after “last years fiasco, plans have been implemented” and four seconds after the first hint of snow, gritters will freeze up, roads resemble ice rinks. It will be utter carnage, abandoned cars scatter motorways as far as the eyes can see. Society will effectively breakdown.
6. Pure Baltic, Nae Jaiket
Arctic weather, gale force winds, plummeting temperatures, and serious danger warnings to health. But yet there’s more chance of seeing a jumper wrapped around a horse than you will a jacket on a Scot who’s out on a Saturday night during winter. Who doesn’t love a little fingertip frostbite.
7. Lifelike Resemblance
This is how the average Scot looks in January after surviving a particularly fearsome winter.
8. Public Transport Reliability
Hahahahahaha, our public transport system fails to cope on a normal day. How will it cope when a third of the Arctic Circle lands on the track.
9. Immune To The Cold
It is probably a scientific fact that wee Scottish grannies are indeed immune to the cold. The only people seen outside their shelter during “havoc wreaking blizzard” weather, are penguins and wee Scottish grannies “oot fur the essentials”, (pun o mince, loaf of Mothers Pride and mandatory four pints of milk.)