9 Genuine Glaswegian Experiences In The Toon
So you think you’re Glaswegian eh? Look we know everybody claims to have a little Glaswegian in them, their Granny’s Dug’s Brother’s Uncle twice removed on their fathers side, once walked past Billy Connolly, drinking a can of Irn Bru, however it takes more than that to claim your Glaswegian heritage.
Only a true Glaswegian will have participated in any of these everyday Glaswegian rituals.
Read on to discover if you have any of the ‘Ten Signs You Are A True Glaswegian‘…
1. Chewed on Justin Bieber’s Haggis.
Now before we dive head first into a defamatory minefield, we are of course talking about Blue Lagoon’s Justin Bieber Haggis Supper. So Glaswegian’s can now say proudly and confidently that they tuck into Justin Bieber’s big juicy haggis, courtesy of Blue Lagoon.
2. Dodging the rain drips under Heilanman’s Umbrella.
If you know where to safely dodge the rain drips as you sprint your way through the Heilanman’s Umbrella, whilst simultaneously dodging the ‘Jesus Loves You, But You’re Still Going To Hell’ flyer crew, you are indeed considerably Glaswegian.
3. Gazed upon the lights above Royal Exchange Square…In June.
Yup if you’ve ever actually realised that the Royal Exchange Square lights are there all throughout the year, then it’s safe to say you’re probably quite Glaswegian. (Obviously avoid mentioning that you only discovered this after attempting to impress a group of females by heroically leaping across a bollard, and failing miserably.)
4. Danced with/to a busker at 4am on any particular Saturday night.
Ah yes, if you’ve ever paid a man, a pound to halfheartedly play Wonderwall out of tune for the fourteenth time of his night, while fighting away emotional tears, trying to bearhug the singing stranger, and then give him another quid to do it all over again. You are almost certainly Glaswegian.
5. Have you ever been harassed and swooped by a squadron of Argyle Street pigeons.
They wait in teams, using lookouts, diversionary tactics, waiting and seeking the perfect opportunity to swoop in and pick of the weak links. Nope we’re not talking about a group of young hooligans, but the Doo’s on Argyle Street, just waiting for you to unwrap your Sainbury’s lunchtime meal deal, before swooping down and claiming another victim. If you’ve ever suffered at the hands of the Argyle Street pigeon menace, you can consider yourself Glaswegian.
6. Raced up the escalators at the Buchanan Street subway station.
7. Bumped into a famous homegrown celebrity in the city centre.
Paolo Nutini in the queue to cinema, Billy Connolly checking out his beard in the mirror or even Frankie Boyle waiting in the Morrisons queue to buy his Daily Mirror (Kidding on Frankie don’t sue us). If you can recite a story where one of our superstar celebrities were caught doing incredibly normal everyday activities, you are almost certainly a Glaswegian.
8. Hugged a takeaway outside the Cathouse, whilst waiting for a taxi on Union Street.
If you’ve ever whispered sweet nothings to your deep fried pizza and chips, while being equally frightened as aroused by the crazy creations that stumble out of the Cathouse on any given day of the week, you my friend can safely call yourself Glaswegian. N.B If you are indeed one of the Cathouse crew. We might joke, but we love. Please Don’t Voodoo Us.
9. The ‘Four Corners’ classical cuisine.
If you have discovered that the McDonald’s on the four corners, instead of being one of the worst places in human history to visit or dine in, thanks to the hordes of underagers who congregate, and ruin everybody elses day/life/existence (delete as applicable), is actually one of Glasgow’s main classical music cultural focal points, thanks to the regular supply of classical music piping out the speakers.
Remember, when you’re trying to eat your Big Mac and thirteen 15 year old sun haters are harassing you for chips or to ‘jump in’, they’re doing so whilst being able to tell the difference between a Bach composition and Beethoven’s 9th symphony.
If you know of the ‘Four Corners’ classical cuisine, you my friend, are a fully fledged and proud Glaswegian.So there you have it Glasgow, ( 9 Signs You Are a Real Glaswegian. How many have you experienced, what did we miss?
Let us know below.