No Officer, I Haven't Been Drinking Tonight
Glasgow we’ve all been there, whether it’s one drink too many. But how can one ever know if thyself has procured one too many beverages of an alcoholic nature?
Check our list Glasgow, if you have partaken in any of these specific actions. Up Eh Road!!!
18. Double Vodka Slammer
Whoops, that double vodka and coke that tasted of lighter fuel, no tastes tasting distinctly of cola. Why yes, you should confront the bar man, they have indeed watered your drink down, it’s nothing to do with the seven doubles consumed previously.
17. Clothes Exchange
At any point during the night, do you suddenly think its a superb idea to exchange clothes with anyone. Or looking down you have indeed already completed the feat. You’re unsure whose clothes, where it happened, or how it happened…But dammit it happened…again.
16. Bouncer Banter
After being escorted out the building on the shoulder of the surprisingly gentle security guard, instead of taking that as your queue to leave, you instead hang about and unleash photo after photo of your extended family to the utterly emotionless bouncer, in the hope of sooking your way back in.
15. Bruised Bollards
As you gain a little focus and clarity you realise that the bouncer you have becoming increasingly deep conversation with, is actually a safety bollard 300 yards away from the pub you were ejected from. Still at least they were excellent at listening.
14. Vocal Disharmony
You have reached the stage where the German craft been you have been quietly but rapidly mainlining is now completely unpronounceable and equally undecipherable. Instead you have taken to pointing at random beer taps while simultaneously uttering guttural sounds similar to Star Wars’ Chewbacca.
13. Refusal of Service
Sadly you have been refused service, cut off, and asked to vacate the bar.
12. Bar Back Battle
After discreetly sliding across the bar to the glass wash. You are now participating in an ongoing battle with the bar backs as they attempt to stop you drinking the dregs of fusty Pete’s pint. Fusty Pete being the gonorrhoea infected, one legged, 70 year old, sailor, who brings his dog in and French kisses it, whilst waiting patiently to be served at the bar.
11. Food For Thought
At any time you put food anywhere apart from directly into your mouth, e.g “Look Jimmy look at this bit of bacon on my back…I am indeed back bacon.”
10. Toilet Trip (Guys)
Mainly guys this one, but if you start to think that you should start accompanying your male friend to the toilet, shouting “Here well birds always dae it.”
9. Embrace The Lace
You find yourself crouching down beside your pal as they tie or fix their shoe.
8. Vertical Ascendancy
You’ve suddenly discovered the urge to pick random people up and hold them above your head.
7. Three Cheers For Tears
You are having a fantastic time, but you are vaguely aware everyone around you is in floods of tears.
6. Bloody Awful
You have to be reminded on more than one occasion that you are in fact bleeding.
5. Bloody Confusing
You are unsure of quite why you are bleeding, but other people seem to be slightly worried.
4. Quit Your Bloody “Wine”ing
There seems to be a strange burgundy wet patch soaking through your shirt below your elbow. Hmm that’s weird you don’t remember leaning on red wine. Oh well…What? No way, bleeding? Who is?
3. Oakey Doke
That howler leaning arrogantly against the wall, has turned from a 3 out of 10 a solid 8 within 14 minutes.
2. Stiff As Oak
Squinting for a closer look, you realise that your future babydaddy is actually a broken chair propped up in the corner, it’s fine they weren’t your type anyway.
1. Love, Despise & Despair
When a conversation with your bosom buddy veers violently from proclamation of an undying, unbreakable, bromance, to vowing destruction and revenge on everything and everyone they hold dear. Within two drinks