Have Yourself a Very Glaswegian Christmas!
A recent study revealed that Glaswegians will be eating Christmas dinner a whole four hours later than the rest of the UK. Supermarket giant Sainsbury’s has announced that the time we sit down to our Turkey varies across the country. While the average time is 2:52pm, 20% of people in Wolverhampton sit down at 12pm, yet us weegies don’t eat until after 6pm. With this being such a dramatic difference, we thought we would share a comical yet “Stereotypical” Christmas Day for a Glaswegian Da…
5:35am: You wake up to being jumped on by the weans, “SANTA’S BEEN! SANTA’S BEEEEEN!!!!!”… What dae ye mean, how dae ye know Santa’s been…?
5:45am: You finally drag yourself doonstairs and … aw great, they have been in an destroyed the presents already. Ye cannae see the flair fur aw torn up wrapping paper and the 1 year old is covered in half ae a Terry’s Chocolate Orange and is now wiring into their 12th selection box…
9:30am: After heading back upstairs and leaving the weans to it, am awoken YET AGAIN, this time with a smack to the face with a Hatchimal. Aye dae it again, I dare you. You think i’ll be getting ye another wan after aw the hassle of finding one ya wee bam? Paying £140 off some rocket fae a Facebook Buy ‘N’ Sell page, NAE CHANCE.
10:45: *Wakes after being hit with another flying object* …”WHAT THE F…” Aw naw, this time it’s the missus. She’s got a face like thunder and clutching a whisk. How could she no have flung that at me instead ae the, what did she throw.. “A ROLLING PIN?! You aff yer nut?!” I’ve tae get up cos her maw’s on her way. Thought she was coming for dinner, no bloody breakfast.
12pm: Fan-fecking-tastic. The Monster-in-Law is here. Moaning I never went to Midnight Mass. I insist I was going to go after the pub (I wasn’t) but she’s no buying it. How the feck was I supposed to know it was 8pm. Midnight Mass at 8 o’clock?! That’s more ridiculous than no having Turkey on Christmas Day.
1pm: We’re not having turkey on Christmas Day. Apparently I was supposed tae order it with the online shoapin’? So surprise, surprise, I’m in the dug hoose. Least I’ve got my 24 box ae Tennant’s that I did remember to order. Priorities an aw that.
6pm: After five hours of my wife an her maw nippin my heid and absolute chaos, we finally sit down to our Three Bird Roast that Auntie Margaret had in her freezer. I have no idea wit am eatin, but it’s no what I had in mind when she said she wis bringing three burds wae her…
8pm: AM BlOOMIN’ STUFFED… Is how I SHOULD be feeling, but wae wan wee crown to go around 28 ae us i’m still starving. Oh, and imagine the disappointment when I sliced open the Beef Wellington to find it was a fecking vegetarian wan, brought especially for that absolute reprobate of a niece a mine, who is going through a ‘wee stage’. Attention seeking!!!. At least there was gravy. Never been so relieved that the Chinese doon the road is open the’ day. Nice wee chicken curry and fried rice. Better than that Frankenstein mutation auld Maggie brought roon.
9pm: Decide to be a nice da and play with the weans and their new toys. Aw, whit’s that ye’ve got hen? Aye, course I got batteries…
9:30pm: Forgot the batteries. So i’m doon the pub with a bunch of other faither’s who have had as good a day as me, if not better…Merry Christmas!!!
Does this Christmas Day sound familiar in your household? Sainsbury’s revealed some other facts about how we spend the big day over the UK and it may be more normal than you think…
– 75% of us will eat Turkey, however there is a rise in Brits eating alternative meats, with nearly a quarter of us opting for beef (24%), one-fifth choosing chicken (19%) and nearly a quarter (24%) eating gammon. The Three Bird Roast isn’t so rare then!
– If there is something we can’t go without, it’s Gravy, with (71%) of us having it on the table. This year a third of Brits are also adding veggie options.
– Most Brits typically start preparing Christmas dinner at 9.37am, however those in Edinburgh start their food preparation at 10.32am.
– Nearly half (46%) of the UK claim they would find the preparation and cooking of Christmas dinner stressful!
Main Image: publicdomainpictures.net