Just Say No To The Glasgow Hipster
They’ve claimed the word hip, created an entire craft beer industry and the meaning of ironic has been irrevocably changed, hipsters they’re bloody well everywhere, but how do you know when it’s time for you to give up the hipster way of life?
Come with GlasgowLiving as we take a tongue and cheek look at whether its time to hang up the trendy glasses, brogues and non conformity beard, once and for all.
If you’ve ever chosen to wear spectacles for non prescription reasons, whilst colour matching your glassless glasses, prior to heading out for an organic, craft beer sampling, experience in Finnieston? Just say no.
If you’ve got to the stage where footwear has become more in-depth than simply shoes, trainers, and generally having feet, or if you’ve ever complemented or been complemented on your ” Stylish Brogues”. It’s most definitely time to just say no. N.B white socks with brogues and three quarter length trousers? Direct yourself to the nearest bin please.
If you think its acceptable to be seen in Glasgow City Centre dressed as if you won a shopping spree in a 1980’s charity shop. Just say no. Seriously you’re dressed worse than the vagrant you offered an organic, gluten free, cheeseless, cheese sandwich to. He felt so guilty, he tried putting a pound in your ironically branded hat, while it was still stuck to your head.
If you’ve ever been in Lush on Buchanan Street and purchased beard wax of your own free will or if you have quite regular trouble discerning between where your hair starts and your beard finishes. Just say no, to the hipster way of life.
If you’ve ever found yourself trying on a pair of super tight coloured jeans or cords in Buchanan Street’s Top Shop, only to make the horrifying discovery that you are in fact trying on woman’s skinny jeans, the assistant has already Instagrammed the hell out of you, and you bought them anyway. It’s definitely time to, just say no.
The New Cool
If Finnieston is simply not hipster enough for you because it’s just too “mainstream” and normal, you’ve taken to drinking craft cider, ironically. In your new, social media, invite only, secret hipster hangout (your gran’s shed in Clydebank). It’s 100% per cent time to, just say no.
If you have forgone normal clothing belts and would rather wear elastic braces to hold your clothes up, and you are not a fisherman, a member of a barbershop quartet, or are in fact a time traveller from the 1940’s, we’re sorry but it’s time to, just say no.
If you’ve ever used the term G-Town in conversation with anybody, anywhere, ever to describe Glasgow. It’s time to, just say no, to the hipster way of life. There is but one exception? If you happen to be referring to G-Town the new bar in Glasgow’s Merchant City. It must only be whispered in hushed tones however, and can only be uttered once for fear of public flogging.
Jam Jar Cocktail
If you’re out in the “new West End” (literally anywhere else in Glasgow) and have anything other than a look of bewilderment, fear and nerves after being presented a jam jar filled with alcohol. Whilst also successfully drinking said beverage without spilling the contents directly down your chest. It’s time to just say no.