Everybody will have had dealings with them, there’s even a Facebook Page dedicated to their sayings, but here’s the essential tongue in cheek guideline cementing once and for all whether you’ve spent too much time living in Glasgow’s West End.

If you tick off more than half? Like sorry, it’s probably time to go.

Ashton Lane

Jinty

Like, Ashton Lane its just not a viable “night out” guys, on account of spending every breakfast, lunch, brunch and dinner dining out on the cobbles.

Sock it to Them (Guys)

Sandals

Like, if you’ve ever deliberately walked in the West End/Byres Road without socks or acceptable footwear (exception to the rule? If you’re escaping a house fire).

Crime of Fashion

tramp

Like, if you’ve ever used/think/created the term shabby chic, shame on you. People in the West End should just do away with charity/thrift shops and instead simply lift clothes directly from each others bodies. Saving time and cutting out the middle man.

Vocal Disharmony

Glasgow University2

As Limmy so succinctly explained. “Ughh that (Glasgow Uni/West End) voice.” How does it even happen? There are people who moved away from Glasgow 25 years ago that haven’t lost their accent, yet Glasgow Uni students change their’s before freshers week has finished.

Waitrose

Waitrose

Like, Gawd, Need we say more.

Financially Focaccia

leave to cool bread

Like, paying £9 for an organically sourced sandwich because the bread is humanely baked in a 19th century sandstone oven, and left to cool in front of a relaxing sunset, wrapped in silk sheets.

At World’s End

great-western-road_signage

Your world ends at the bottom of Great Western Road.

Tea’rrific

Tea

Like, if you ever purchase a tea in the West End that sounds more exotic than a fully animated David Attenborough discovering an unexplored part of the world.

Transport Trauma

partick bus

Gawd, you would just die if someone saw, or you were like actually forced to use a bus. Where would I scan my Subway card? (Extended hand gesture toward other person in conversation.) Just ghastly.

Fruit Dilemma

roots and fruits

Like, you only shop for your fruit in Roots and Fruits, because supermarket fresh is just not fresh enough for your social palate.

Parental Problems

Like, if beyond the age of 15 and/or gravely ill, you’ve began a sentence with Ugh Mummy or Ugh Daddy.

Only in Finnieston

Finnieston

Like, if you’ve ever said “Oh My Gawd, Byres Road/Ashton Lane is nothing compared to Finnieston’s atmos”.

Lights, Camera, Glasgow

Screen Shot 2015-06-25 at 16.20.11

Like, if you and Hugh Grant have acknowledged each other during a morning jog.

Bullet Time

Kale

Like, if you’ve even put kale or superfoods in a blender after buying them in the West End.

Oran Moan

River City

Like, if a member of the River City cast has skipped you in the queue in Oran Mor or anywhere in the West End.

Manic Botanic

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The thought of “lunching” around the Botanics makes you, like, physically excited.

The Great Outdoor Exercise

Screen Shot 2015-06-25 at 16.31.56

Like, Oh My God, if you incorporate the outdoor gym adjacent to Hyndland Street into your daily workout routine or jog in and around Byres Road.

Viper Sniper

vIPER

Like, Oh My Gawd, if you’ve ever went to Viper Nightclub on Great Western Road, y’no, ironically.