With the recent news that one of the longest standing traditions in Scotland is being consigned to the “gingey bottle hodder” in the sky, GlasgowLiving takes a look back at some other traditions missing from our somewhat hollow modern lives.

The Demise of Glass Bottles of Irn Bru and 7 Other Forgotten Traditions.

1. Returnable Bottles of Ginger

loaded

We had to begin with Barr’s and their shockwave announcement, they are cancelling the 30p returnable bottles, childhood memories have been shattered, who can forget “chapping” the neighbours doors to collect their “empties” and the anticipation whilst waiting for the van. The inevitable look of horror the van driver would have plastered across his face after witnessing three, four foot children, balance 87 bottles of Irn Bru toward his van and him grudgingly adopt every separate bottle of glass currency.

2. Freebies In Cereal

free toy

It only occurred to GlasgowLiving the other day, but what happened to freebies in boxes of cereal? Pencil toppers, puzzles, figures, magic tricks or spokey dokes? Happier times. Remember battling with your siblings to ensure you would be the first person up in the morning to grab the priceless toy, hidden in the depths of your cereal, just waiting to be excavated, and then your big brother taking it from you.

3. Saturday Morning TV

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SMTV, CDUK, Live & Kicking, Wonky Donkey, Chums, Fully Booked, and T4, Philip Schofield, Andy Peters, Zoe Ball, Gail Porter. Actual human beings on terrestrial tv designed for kids. Instead now you’ve got a conveyor belt of sanitised, aesthetically perfect, soul-less, zombie presenters across 7000 children’s channels, or LSD inspired puppets speaking in tongues to hypnotised children. We miss you Ant, Dec and Cat, hangover cures have been ruined forever.

4. Fighting With Conkers

conker

Whatever happened to the time honoured battle where you would duel valiantly until one conker was lying destroyed, broken into pieces, accompanied by your childhood dreams. Can you actually remember the last time you came across a burgeoning conker match? A slight dab of varnish, an unfortunate knuckle wrap or dipping your conker in vinegar, could always give yourself a wee “tactical” advantage.

5. Kinder Surprise

kinder surrise

Moving onto Kinder Eggs, when did the surprise go from being a toy with moving parts and actual child enjoyment to a figurine that remotely resembles a Smurf or a toy made up of two pieces, neither of which actually have levers to move independently. It’s like a pound for one egg, at least back in the day you had a fleeting moment of joy before realising you had been completely robbed of your pocket money.

6. Ten Pence Mixture

ten p mixture

Whatever happened to going to the van and asking for a ten pence mixup, or if you were financially soluble on the particular day, going renegade and buying a 20p mixture. Nowadays they’re all pre-packaged, pre-prepared and cost 50p. Naw mate I don’t want 8 flying saucers in my mixup, you’re literally giving me air and dust to eat. I don’t want blackjacks either. I want pink mints, rhubarb and custards, white mice and other wondrous delights, non of the reject stuff you’re peddling in your 50p mixtures.

Cap Guns/Spud Guns/Cap Dart

guns

What ever happened to metal cap guns, metal spud guns and metal cap darts? (Cap darts are the dart type things you threw up in the air and when it hit off the ground it made a huge bang.) Nowadays the guns are all plastic, and seem to be designed with noise inhibitors. They were supposed to be built noisy, kids are noisy. Although can you imagine if a visually impaired wee old man or woman phoned the police, “hello is that the police, help there’s a gang of midgets shooting guns at each other. Thank heavens we’re not in America.

Monkey Bars/Roundabouts

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In general, swing parks with genuine excitement attached to them. Remember the days of being bold enough to climb over the monkey bars, or reaching the bumps on the swing and being dared to jump off. Roundabouts built to travel at the speed of light, 25 children all clinging on while somebody tries to get them off by any means necessary, crashing to the knee shredding gravel below. So what if we’ve all ended up with arthritis by 29 years old, life on the street was a tough awakening.