Halloween is the most wonderful time of the year. Snow is falling, everybody tries that little bit harder to get on with each other… Wait hold on that’s Christmas.

Why do we go mad for Halloween, it’s became almost as popular with adults as it is for children. Although be honest it’s kind of liberating to dress up in a costume and play the character for the night.

We present you the Do’s and Don’ts of Halloween in Glasgow

Do Don’t Leave Children Traumatised



It is generally frowned upon to leave your lights off, front door ajar and a note pinned inviting trick or treaters in for sweets. It is especially frowned upon to then lock the door behind them and let out a blood curdling agonising wail while slowly dragging yourself along the floor toward them.

Do Think Wisely About Costume Choices


It’s all fun and games until you have to ask a stranger in the toilet to help you undress. The last thing Batman, attempting to keep the people of Gotham out of harms way, wants to bear witness to, is Mario and Luigi frantically attempt to undress each other in a dingy, barely lit toilet, before giving up and pissing themselves.

Don’t Purchase Costumes For Your 10 Year Old Cousin With “Sexy” In The Title


Refrain from pointing at a slutty nurse costume in a store and asking “oh scuse me does that come in ages 7-12.” There are registers to sign and there will be angry citizens politely smashing holes in your property.

Do Consider Bringing A Change Of Clothing

walk of shame

Congratulations you’ve won the Garage’s annual Halloween costume competition, with your haunting portrayal of Jafar from Disney’s Aladdin. Be sure to inform everybody the following morning as you carry out the walk of shame whilst being heckled as you shuffle down Buchanan Street. Trying your hardest to avoid resembling an alcoholic out of work panto actor.

Don’t Sit The Kids Down For An “Educational” Horror Movie Marathon

the ring

What do you mean it never affected you? Apart from pissing the bed, forcing your parents to check under the bed every night, and being positive you were haunted by Candyman and Freddy. Of course that’s a normal part of growing up, well obviously unless you’re 30. Wait what age are you again?

Do Play The Part

luke vs vadar

Remember it’s all right to take part in the shenanigans, become the character for a night, dressed as a Jedi and bump into Darth Vader? Its almost expected that you partake in an impromptu lightsaber battle. Throw in a few quotes as well “You killed my father” “No Luke I am your father” etc, etc. Hilarity ensues.

Don’t Hide In Bushes In Your Front Garden Dressed As A Clown


It’s not big and it’s not clever. You should certainly not do it immediately after you allow your 12 year old cousin to watch “It” and inform them it’s actually based on a true story, before pretending to send them off on the 9 mile trek home.

Do Be Wary

zombie gifs

If anybody offers you sweets, but it looks and smells suspiciously similar to how you imagine chloroform looks and smells. Probably best to politely decline. The same applies to being asked to accompany a stranger into a nearby graveyard, and they look and smell suspiciously undead.

Don’t Force Children To Bob For Apples In The Bath


It is somewhat of a faux pas to fill up a bath to the brim and expect your seven year old trick or treater house guest to bob for apples with their hands tied behind their back. It doesn’t matter that your father said it’s what made you a man. Of course it’s completely unrelated that you haven’t stepped foot near open water for 37 years.

Don’t Dress Children Up Like Hitler

baby hitler

Expect a less than warm welcome if your child “Sieg Heils” their way around the neighbourhood in search of candy goodness. Anti semitism is still uncool.

Do Have Fun

hidden in water

Life is long and tough, make sure you enjoy any opportunity you can. Remember scaring is caring.