Funniest Glaswegian Patter We Should Bring Back Now
Glasgow we’ve managed to pull together some Scottish vernacular, that maybe isn’t as common as it once was. Perhaps your Granny or parents might have spoke them round you, perhaps you’re old fashioned like us, and also sound like you kinda belong in the 19th century.
How many have you used…Be honest.
Coming home from the local nightclub and guaranteed the first question would be “so did ye get a lumber“? Meaning, did you manage to convince a member of the opposite sex to kiss you/swap numbers, and the answer was always a proud and confident “naw, but no cos a couldnae, it’s cos they were aw mingin”. You cry yourself to sleep.
As in, after sweating profusely for 3 weeks, you manage to work up the courage to finally ask the girl you’re pretty much in love with out to the cinema “fancy goin tae the pictures with me?” Unfortunately they were always either washing their hair, watching the dog, or watching their hair, washing the dog. One occasion they even said they were watching their dog wash its hair. You once again cry yourself to sleep.
As in “here headin up the dancin‘ (nightclub) the night, got ma Saturday night sliders on (best shoes on). You get rejected at the door.
As in “aw naw man, you pure christened ma brand spanking gutties” Oh no, you appear to have stood on my recently purchased training footwear.
As in “aw aye son a heard it on the wireless last night.” Why yes young man, I was listening to it on the radio last night.
Similar to getting a lumber, but instead of being a collective term for getting a number, kissing etc, it’s the very definition of kissing. As in “aye a pure got aff wae/winched hunners of birds on holiday, but they were shy, so none of them were up for gettin their photae taken.” You (not for the first time) cry yourself to sleep.
Unfortunately in this sordid era of modernity, hearing a child say they’re doggin it, can result in some serious questions about their well-being, resulting in many trips to the child psychologist. (and probably the sexual health clinic.) In more innocent times, doggin simply meant playing truant from school. As in “haw a hate mafths, i’m just doggin it instead.”
“Did ye get the messages a asked ye tae?” As in, did you grab the groceries I asked you to purchase at the local shop? (Usually asked through gritted teeth and clenched fists, after your dad returns home after disappearing to the pub for four hours.)
As in “ooft you’re a pure clatty wee midden” Would you have a look at you, look at how dirty you are, go and get washed. (Usually if your child has been playing in dirt or looks grubby.)
As in, “Who’s gettin the purvey in for our tea.” Meaning now that we are on our break from work, whose responsibility is it fetching our snacks and beverage.
Usually suffered by teenage boys as they hit puberty and their legs seem to stretch overnight resulting in trousers that are too short at the bottom. As in “haw, look wee Davey’s trousers are budgiedeed, what a fanny.”