One of the greatest comedians of all time Charlie Chaplin said (probably mimed), “a day without laughter is a day wasted” and here at Glasgow Living we agree.

In the Glasgow Living offices we’re pretty focussed about what we do but we also like taking the p*** out of ourselves, its one of the things that makes us and you the people of Glasgow, so refreshing. We believe a world without humour, would be akin to a world without light. (Or worse, a world without jager bombs.)

We’ve come up with a tongue in cheek look at the characters you might bump into on an average night out in Glasgow.

Please Note: This article is completely (slightly?) fictitious and we’re only trying to kick start your weekend.


The Cathouse Regular

Dressed like teen idol Edward Scissorhands & has bright green Orville the Duck haircut. (Orifice protruding safety pins optional.)

The Arches Regular (We couldn’t bear to take it out)

Gio Goi T-Shirt, Henleys jeans, infinite pack of chewing gum, jaw clamp and a weaponised glow stick.

The Nice and Sleazy Regular

Tight black jeans, white t-shirt too tight even for their girlfriend, a newly borrowed musical opinion, and a freshly grown hatred for the political turmoil caused by the establishment in the 70’s. And a surefire insistence they’re going to spend their life toppling the “powers that be”. Well at least until Strictly starts again. (Guaranteed to own a Che Guevara t-shirt.)

The Campus Regular

Body shaped condom, quite simply because you’ve got to be a bit of a dick to go there every week.

The Play/2 Regular

A written note of permission from their parent or legal guardian cos there’s a good chance that they are 12 years old, or a proof of document confirming they’ve been released from their tag/prison sentence and are allowed back in. (Almost guaranteed to be a regular.)

The Bamboo Regular

Short white dress from Prada (we all know it’s from Pradamark) and gravity defying heels that were created solely to cause horrific pain to the wearer. A pick up line book, cos every guy inside is positive he’s a playaaa and irresistible to woman.

The Light Regular

£250 Armani jeans, £300 reflective fitted jacket, Mazda car keys and a pocket mirror, cos they’ll be eye f****** the shit out of themselves in the mirror the entire night.

The Kushion Regular

The footballers wet dream, bring a pregnancy test, an STI test, and a paternity test cos there’s a substantial chance she’s already riddled and pregnant.

The Tingle Regular

Students paradise, guaranteed to be carrying a manbag. In possession of a sleeping bag, body bag or a wheelbarrow cos there’s a good chance they’ll be getting carted home in one of them.

The Sub Club Regular

A pocket refrigerator cos the people in Sub Club are just so damn cool, and extra solid back support cos if they were anymore 90 degree laidback they’d need a course of physiotherapy.

The Savoy Regular

Pensioners bus pass, variety of Werther’s Originals and a fuel allowance card, cos if you’re in there you’ll probably end up fingering a granny.

The Garage Regular

Wearing shorts in January, a t-shirt with an ironic slogan, and possible hearing loss because for some reason people in Garage go wild for truly horrible music.

So there you have have it folks, have we missed anywhere?

Make sure and tag your mate with the profile that best sums them up.