Glasgow Living Goes Back to Secondary School
Everybody remembers at least some bits of their secondary school education, the centre of your universe for six years, it seemed a horror show at the time but how many of us would love to go back knowing what we know now and relive school for a day.
It’s time to relive the horrors of high school.
1. That First Day of High School
Walking through the front doors, you quickly realised you were no longer all powerful kings of Primary School, but instead walking in the land of the High School giants and you were the size of a gerbil. One rule to remember. Never kick the can.
2. Going to the Toilet Mid-Class
After being granted permission to go for a pee mid-class you unexpectedly bumped into your friend from another section. As if the planets had aligned for you in that one moment.
3. Late Slips
Being forced to get your late slip signed by all teachers, must be exactly like how corporal punishment is carried out in a North Korean prison camp.
4. Bunsen Burners
Being allowed to use a bunsen burner for the first time was like being given the power of fire from Prometheus, spliced with the urge to behave like Keith Flint from The Prodigy.
5. Science Lab Stools
Six years of sitting hunched on science labs stools, have, you’re pretty sure resulted in at least 80% per cent of the population suffering from scoliosis.
6. School Winter War-Zones
The dread you felt knowing as soon as the first snows of Winterfell arrived. Winter was no longer coming, it was here and fear consumed the land. A frightening war zone befell the earth. You think to yourself this is how the Somme must have resembled, you know with more snowballs, less bullets, maiming and death.
7. William Shakespeare
Even to this day failing to grasp any of Shakespeare’s literature, but being in total agreement he definitely ruined y’no words…For all of eternity.
8. Skipping the Lunch Queue
“Skip me, skip you back”, in the lunch queue, was a legitimate form of political bargaining. Genius if you were at the back of the queue and your friend was at the front or vice versa. Disastrous if it took place in front of you.
9. Sent to the Headteachers Office
Pushing the teacher too far and getting sent to the headteachers office, quickly facing up to the very real fear that you’re definitely getting sent to jail or worse. Your mum and dad were getting called.
10. Choosing Your Standard Grades
Approaching third year, you realise that not only have you failed to look at your choice of subjects, but you in fact used it for “spidoinks” You now study R.E. and learn to stitch cushions for two years.
11. The very real fear of the BCG and Skin Test
Needles, syringes, we’re pretty sure no one in the history of school actually passed the skin test. It was hilarious right up until you were next in the queue. Then sh** got real and terrifying.
12. That one kid who always fell asleep in class
And they always snored.
13. Social Dance
As Christmas time approached, the growing dread in the knowledge that upcoming P.E sessions would force you to talk to and actually dance with a member of the opposite sex. The heat created by 60 embarrassed teenagers, could if harnessed, probably power the school for the rest of year.
14. Science of Scientific Calculators
Still to this day being unable to work a scientific calculator whatsoever. Sin, Cos or Tan? Sin Cos or Tan? Aaagh! We still need to use both hands and feet to count to 20.
15. Redrafting Essays
Before the days of computers, having to constantly redraft all your written work because your handwriting resembled that of a person using one hand to fight off a violent seagull that has inexplicably stumbled into your classroom. Tip Ex? Never.
16. The Firestarter
That kid in class who had an unnatural attraction to fire, and now thinking back is almost certainly in jail for multiple unspecified arson offences in your local area.
17. Pocket Munching in Class
Buying a 50p mixup from the van outside the school and lunch, and attempting to eat it using majestic skills of espionage. Eventually having to share with immediate surrounding classmates avoiding risk of them “grassing”.
18. Music Espionage
Successfully listening to your walkman during class by running a headphone wire up your sleeve directly into your ear, meaning you were destined for a life akin to that of James Bond.
19. Leaving School
Heading to uni, college or work and having no keyboard, computer or social skills. Generally having no skills whatsoever.
20. That Question
Being asked at 13 years old, “what do you want to do with the rest of your life.”
Hmm on second thoughts Glasgow, let’s agree never to go back to school.