Love is in the air, and it’s wearing rose-gold handcuffs. The lovely lot at Ann Summers in Glasgow recently conducted surveys and produced stats to show what you are all really getting up to in the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, and you’re only lying to yourself if you’re not really interested in what percentage of the people sitting around you on the subway outer ring like to get in the mood with a cheeky porno first (33%, as you asked). We have also done a little research of our own on the most searched terms in order to give you a lovely overview of love in the Dear Green Place, at least as far as the things that you are all googling is concerned. Take a look at our typical weegie lovemaking timetables and see which one matches you the closest this Valentine’s.

The Poké(mon)rs

Image: https://www.instagram.com/pika_glasgow_official/

There’s been a steady increase in searches in how to catch Chansey, Porygon, Igglypuff and the other pink Pokémon this Valentine’s, who are apparently spawning like rabbits (go figure). Sound Pokémon catching skills will get you through, but if you’re really struggling then maybe using the third-most popular sex toy in Glasgow’s Ann Summers branches: the Diamante Flogger, may help you beat past the crowds and grab that elusive Igglypuff. Either that or it will get you done for assault.

The Car-Sharers

Image: Wikipedia
Image: Wikipedia

39% of Glaswegians have admitted that they ‘regularly’ get frisky in their car. Is that why the M8 is always like a car park?

The Pornhub and Chillers

Image: http://www.gizmodo.co.uk/2016/02/this-is-what-glasgow-wankers-search-for-on-pornhub/

27% of Glaswegians say that regularly watching porn with their partner helps to get them in the mood. Gizmodo made some handy charts last year that illustrate this further, and Glasgow’s patriotic pride really shines through in this data. Exactly what is so sexy about Stirling, we’re yet to establish, but homemade Scottish can only be a good thing. Support small business, folks!

The Ones Who Like Big Butts and They Cannot Lie

Image: Public Domain Pictures
Image: Public Domain Pictures

How do we know this? Well, the top sex position is a bit of a giveaway. One in four say that doggy style is their favourite sex position, whilst Glasgow’s second-biggest selling toy? The humble butt plug. Glasgow loves butts. It’s official.

The One Hit Wonders

Image: Reddit (hannahjoy33)
Image: Reddit (hannahjoy33)

41% of Glaswegians prefer just one position, thanks very much. 4% like having sex on the floor, whilst 87% stick to the comfort of bed. It’s a cold city, we really can’t blame you for wanting to keep it under wraps.

The Ringmasters

Image: Wikipedia
Image: Wikipedia

Time for the grand unveiling of Glasgow’s favourite sex toy… *drumroll please* … it’s the remote control couple’s ring, of course! Not content with your average, everyday ring, weegies like the added banter of having a remote control, as if you needed another one to fight over once you’ve finally settled on something on Netflix. Good one, guys. Get your own from Ann Summers here.

The Amateur Porn Stars

Image: Google
Image: Google

Perhaps in-keeping with the trend toward ‘home-grown’ videos that we saw earlier, a kinky 40% have created, written and starred in their own smartphone sex vid. If any of them include the 13% who have done the dirty with a work colleague, or the 12% who have had sex in their parents bed (come on, guys, sometimes sharing isn’t caring) then please don’t muddle up the memory sticks at the big work meeting or the family wedding. I can just see it now… intending to present the recent report findings and instead finding Dave from accounts wielding the diamante flogger. Revealing, indeed.

So, which one are you, Glasgow? Let us know in the comments, and have a very happy Valentine’s Day!