Obama…The Final Days of the Dancin' President
Well, they’ve managed it, after being told that the biggest political upset of 2016 would certainly be the British public deciding to trust Boris and Nigel Farage with Britain’s European future, (when really, you wouldn’t trust them not to run with scissors). The US of A once again proved that they are simply leagues ahead when it comes to making ridiculous political decisions. Democracy? I blame the Ancient Greeks.
Before the End of Days begin in January. (Seriously can you imagine Donald Trump trying to negotiate with a nuclear-powered country, the guy can’t negotiate Twitter at 3 in the morning.) We picture how President Obama might spend his last few days in the White House.
You had one job America, Jeez.You stuck Mr Burns from The Simpsons in the White House. Obama to Trump. Way to go.
Here are a few things Obama could do in his last few days as President…
1. Hide a haddock somewhere in the Oval Office
It’s a certainty, Obama along with Vice President Joe Biden, upon leaving for the final time will be stashing a big sweaty raw fish somewhere just out of reach. Can you imagine Trump’s face? and how much aftershave he’ll be wearing. Assuming that it’s himself that’s got a BO problem. he’ll probably fire four of his staff before he realises.
2. Book a trip over to Chicago to get down on it at House Music Mecca, the underground renowned ‘Smart Bar.’
As many of you may know the president undoubtedly has a deep rooted appreciation for the bumpty’ bump and a whole lotta love for House Music. In particularly the musical roots of his second home, Chicago!!!
This special visit to the White House follows a shout out from the president himself who praised this renowned DJ collective on their continued efforts within the community.
As a real mover ‘n shaker since back in the day, Barack was also involved when he was an Illinois state senator in getting the honorary street dedicated to the late, legendary Mr Frankie Knuckles near the Warehouse, Honorary Frankie Knuckles Way. I mean, how cool is this dude!
Tucked below the Metro rock venue, The Smart Bar, no-frills club draws a post-show crowd to drink & dance, and truly is fit for a president. Many of Chicago’s most respected DJs have held residencies at the club: Frankie Knuckles, The Black Madonna and Derrick Carter just to name a few. Today the club mixes musically diverse local talent with a range of internationally famous guests.
3. Saw a half inch off one of the legs of the President’s Resolute desk
There’s nothing more annoying than sitting down at a new desk and you find that its wobbly, can you imagine sitting down as President of the United States of America at the 1879 Resolute Desk and having to find a beer coaster from somewhere in the White House to level it up. Infuriating.
4. Type President into Google
Imagine typing President into Google and your name comes up. That would never get old. Now imagine typing President into Google and seeing Trump instead of your own surname. That’ll take some getting used to.
5. Look at the Facebook Montage, Zuckerberg created of the good times you had.
Obama Care, Osama taking a bullet, created more jobs than lost for 23 straight months, made America likeable to the world again, made friends with Cuba, stopped Iran getting a nuclear bomb, forced companies to pay women the same wage as men, Regulated ‘Big Tobacco’ and so much more.
6. Phone Jay Z and Beyonce to come hang out with you and Michelle for the final time
It’s the equivalent of phoning Wee Davey and his missus to go for a pint when you leave after 8 years at ASDA. Except you know its Jay Z and Beyonce and they’ll not be drinking £2.50 Tennent’s. (That we know of)
7. Wander around the White House in only his boxers and house coat hammering Jack D
Make no mistake about it, Barack Obama is a rock star, charismatic, good looking, likeable, great in a crisis. It’s almost certain that when the realisation hits home, some time at the end of December, the Jack D will come out, and the housecoat that’s not been washed since college will be adorned.
8. Give Putin a Final Bam Up Skype Call
It’s been a tough few years for Obama and Putin, like Dad and Dad of the free world going through a particularly tough 8 year divorce. Don’t worry Barack, Putin is just phoning Trump to make you jealous. You’re better than that.
9. Finally, Switch the Lights Out as He Leaves for the Last Time
In the fashion of all great sitcoms, there are tears, laughter, emotions and the final goodbye where Obama turns around, looks at his home for the last eight years and smiles, simultaneously switching off the lights. It all goes dark and the door closes.
If only this were a sitcom…