Ten Signs You Experienced A Glaswegian Summer
Call us nostalgic Glasgow but they don’t make summers quite like they used to.
Whether it be a lack of children running wild because they’d rather sit in and play the computer or local kids winding up the neighbours big dug, until it inevitably lobbed the fence and chased you til your feet fell off.
You didn’t experience a Glaswegian summer unless you…
1. Declared War & Initiated An Itchycoo Fight
Ah, remember the itchycoo? Jaggy bushes plus hundreds of orange berries from the itchy fires of hell. Itchcoo fights were never arranged, always spontaneous, and always blindingly lethal. God help the teammate cornered behind enemy lines, he was the unlucky one who suffered the torture of itchycoo seeds down their back.
2. Washed The Neighbours Cars
Where are the teenage entrepreneurs? Remember when you would go round chapping the neighbours doors offering to wash their car for a couple of quid, split between you and your pal and within a few hours you’d made a decent bit of profit. Enabling you to buy that CD/Video/DVD, you’d craved for weeks.
Richard Branson approves this message.
3. Watched Breakfast Television
Remember way before the days of 800 digital channels. You had four channels and for the first four weeks of the summer holiday, zero kids morning tv. The reason being? English school kids hadn’t finished for their summer holidays yet.
Anthea Turner, Eamonn Holmes and Dale Winton’s Supermarket Sweep. How you destroyed us.
4. Ran Through An Open Fire Hydrant
No one knew how it came to be broken, but everybody knew what the next step was, go absolutely mental and run through it like it’s the first time you’ve been introduced to water. Guaranteed grounding off the parents, after coming home drenched but mainly because there was now no running tap water within a five mile radius.
5. Moaned About a Lack Of Sunshine
Seriously, what is it about the West of Scotland? Everyday you would get up, after being told by Ulrika Johnsson to, “prepare for the warmest day of the year” rip open the curtains, expecting sun-rays sent like a gift from God, but instead it would be the same sort of grey, mundane, overcast weather.
As it always bloody was! Ulrika (ka ka ka), whyyy did you hate us so?
6. Bought Homemade Perfume
Whatever happened to the gaggle of pre-teens who would spend an afternoon collecting a variety of colourful flowers around the bushes, battling some pretty pissed off looking bees in the process, throw it all in a jam jar, shake it 17 times and proceed to chap the neighbours doors asking “do you want to buy any of our homemade “summer florence” perfume”. As an army of enraged bees steamrolled directly toward the future Michelle Mone’s.
To be fair it probably didn’t smell half as bad as some of the more expensive perfumes of today.
7. Have Your Mind Invaded By One Song
That one song, repetitive, easy to remember, absolutely sh**. Any other time of year it would be forgotten within a week, but people had been on summer holidays, it reminded them of the ten days when their life didn’t resemble a Samaritans advert. We’re looking at you Macarena, The Ketchup Song, Brimful of Asha etc. You warped our fragile little minds.
These days? Sadly, the charts are saturated with them.
8. Somebody Breaking a Bone
Guaranteed, one of your group of friends would at some point during your six weeks off, break a bone, or split their head open. Whether it be falling head first out a tree, getting run over by a car, jumping off the lock ups onto your face, or going over the handlebars on your bike. A Glaswegian summer holiday was fraught with impending danger.
It was usually the same unlucky kid, every year.
9. Risked Your Life Daily
In Glasgow, building sites, swannies and rivers all became a warrior’s playground during the summer. Older kids smugly telling younger ones, “this isn’t for children, its too dangerous, you could get hurt.” Throw in the added danger of security guards patrolling building sites, and you’ve never felt so alive and yet equally, so close to death.
Summer was a time for living on the edge. (See No.8 for typical outcome.)
10. Begged To Stay Out Late
No summer would have been complete without begging to stay out that little bit later cos “it’s still light and all my pals are still out playing, and we’re just playing out the front, pleasssse.” Usually after swearing a blood solemn vow to wash the dishes for the rest of your life, you were granted that extra 20 minutes.
Life was good, until your pals went in 8 minutes later.
What have been your longest serving summer memories Glasgow?