You might think of yourself as the smoothest of the smooth, but even the inhabitants of most romantic city in Scotland (at least – we were in 2013 when we sent the most valentine’s cards) can make mistakes when it comes to matters of the heart. In order to ensure Valentine’s 2017 is the biggest success possible, we’ve put together a handy guide of those potential pitfalls to avoid when planning your celebrations. Tip one: Keep your tongue firmly in your cheek whilst reading.

1. Do visit the remains of St Valentine… as long as you aren’t expecting it to be romantic!

Statue of The Sacred Valetine: Flicker
Statue of The Sacred Valentine: Flicker

Blessed John Duns Scotus Church in the Gorbals is an unassuming wee church with big significance as far as romance is concerned. It holds part of the (assumed) remains of St Valentine, and has been the site of several marriage proposals as a result. However, as a spot for a first date it might only be good for history buffs. A statue of the martyred saint with red-stained feet welcomes you to the box, behind glass, containing the remains. And that’s pretty much it, so if you don’t know eachother that well then it might be an odd choice. Thoughtful, and worth a visit for the interest, but maybe not first date material.

2. Don’t muddle up the Kelvingrove Cafés.

Image: Kelvingrove Café Facebook
Image: Kelvingrove Café Facebook
Kelvingrove Museum/University of Glasgow (Image: Glasgow Living)

Both romantic for different reasons, one of which being dress code. If you’re taking your date to Kelvingrove Café on Argyle Street, then don’t be fooled by the shabby-chic exterior. Feel free to tell them to dress up a little if they want, and prepare themselves for some delicious cocktails and dining with a flair. If you’re taking them to Kelvingrove Museum Café, then the opposite is true. Grand exterior doesn’t mean ball gown. Go easy on the heels as you need comfy shoes to look round all the fabulous exhibitions, and prepare yourself for a cuppa rather than a bevvy.

3. Do remember that Buckfast is not the same as ‘a nice wee bottle a red’

Image: @buckfastwinetime Facebook
Image: @buckfastwinetime Facebook

If you’re bringing a bottle of wine for date night then don’t bring Buckfast unless your date nights normally end up out on the toon til 6am. Or unless your beloved is a big fan, in which case, get in there!

4. Do remember that drinking in public spaces is illegal when planning your romantic picnic. Also that it’s February and it’s probably going to pour with rain

A picnic is a super cute, creative and affordable Valentine’s meal. But Glasgow in February often conspires against us as far as that’s concerned. If you do tackle it, just don’t get caught with a bottle of fizz out. The only thing worse than having a soggy, baltic Valentine’s picnic is getting arrested during a soggy, baltic Valentine’s picnic. Trust us.

5. Do write a romantic poem, but don’t be too quick to copy an established, successful poetical framework

Image: Pinterest
Image: Pinterest

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home! Mood Killer! 

6. Don’t forget that it’s just another Hallmark holiday…

When your tinder date has clearly added several inches onto their height in their profile… (Image: GlasgowLiving) Featuring Biscuit the Pug – he’s on instagram!

Use the excuse to treat your loved one, whether it’s a significant other or a best pal. But beyond that, it isn’t worth getting too stressed about. If your perfect valentines is cooking at home and going out for a drink, then do it. If it’s going to see Fifty Shades then later getting accidentally tied to your stair banisters and having to call the fire brigade to free you, then do that (minus the fire brigade part – they are busy enough without you being a numpty). Check out our list of all the fun things to do in Glasgow to celebrate the holiday here, and if nothing else, don’t forget to treat YO SELF because you are fabulous and deserving of a present, too.

7. Do plan a romantic cycle

What’s more romantic than a brisk cycle around Glasgow on a rainy day, eh? You could have a cycle around Glasgow Green or Kelvingrove , but why stop there? There’s always the option to go totally rogue and take a ride up and down Buchanan Street with MickShaw and his rickshaw…

If Hallmark’s not your thing, we stumbled across a good auld Glasgow local designer. Lisa Donati and her passion for the patter has your Valentines card’s sorted! “Geez A Winch” X X X.