In extraordinary scenes at the close of Parliament a Bill was quietly streamlined through that will in essence privatise food banks across Britain.

John Bercow, Speaker of the House of Commons.

The Alternative Foodbank Bill follows on from the Conservative Government’s underhand attack and attempt at manoeuvring John Bercow from his post as Speaker of the House of Commons, several days prior.

Although Bercow survived the political assassination attempt by a number of MPs in Westminster. Parliaments across the UK voted unanimously to privatise food banks. Effectively this means that when Parliament reconvenes after the 2015 General Election, private companies will be granted permission to bid for the most profitable food banks across Britain.

Food bank use is considered a ‘growing industry’ by leading politicians.

It is assumed by current social trends, by the end of 2015, food banks in Britain will be worth more than the total Greek debt currently owed to the UK. Estimated at more than £4 billion pounds, both the UK and Scottish Government consider the combined value of foodbanks, similar to wealth created accruing gold.

Food banks in Glasgow, Liverpool, Manchester and Invernaewar are considered the greatest commodity for big business and it’s expected that vicious bidding wars could commence between many of the eager companies looking to make quick profit.

GlasgowLiving spoke to Anne Falconer, resident in the Southside of Glasgow, who has been forced by ever tighter budgets and welfare cuts to make use of foodbanks:

It doesn’t surprise me at all, politicians and their pals can’t resist sticking greedy fingers into every pie. Even when those pies were donated to feed the hungry. I bet they claim their stolen pies on expenses too.

In rough guidelines, not officially agreed upon yet, each food and non perishable item brought in by volunteers will be scanned and checked against their value in local supermarkets in the area. It has yet to be confirmed whether any of the leading UK supermarkets will allow Government officials permission to complete the scan in store, however a leading source has said “Government officials are being primed to go in covertly as unassuming customers and simply hide their scanner under their specially designed, taxpayer funded jacket, or for efficiency, in their pocket.”

With the Bill expected to be made Parliamentary Law in a matter of weeks, only one politician stood against the great injustice to the British people: MSP Avril.

After several attempts at contacting Mr P Avril’s office, he refused to give comment on what happened across the UK, but left us with one haunting remark. “It’ll be a day never forgotten.”

The above is of course all nonsense. But it could be true! Food bank use is on the rise in this country. Read our follow up article to learn how you can help.