10 things that only ever happen in Glasgow
Glasgow is a universe unto thyself, there will be scenes that you will witness, that would seem insane in other cities. But in Glasgow? People barely bat an eyelid.
A city where, intelligence, art, history and madness roll into one. (Usually in the same bar.) Where you’re equally as likely to see Paolo Nutini going for a kebab as you are seeing two jakeys fighting over their last can of Spar cider.
Glasgow you’re a wee bit mental but as the Big Man upstairs said “he without sin”.
10. Phonebox Generosity
In the age of mobile technology, only in Glasgow, will a rather complimentary local citizen still politely request 20p off of your person to use the nearest BT phone box. (it’s like nearer 30p if you can even find a phone box, and we’re pretty sure he’s not using it to phone his mum like he said.)
9. Crime committing, well wishers
Only in Glasgow can you find that someone has illegally vandalised council owned property to wish the general public their best intentions
8. Violent Offender, Offended?
Only in Glasgow will you find a young (sometimes not so young) man standing outside a nightclub after being forcibly removed from the premises. Questioning the security doormen aghast at his removal, guaranteed to be found uttering phrases similar to “aw come on man a only stuck the heed in him, he was asking fur it.”
7. Executing an exit
Only in Glasgow will you bear witness to an individual being forcibly denied entry to a bus at 3:45am, due to lack of funds and then utter the immortal line, “mate a didnae even want tae get on your bus, its sh*** and your passengers are aw d****.” As the bus drives away the young man gives a final victorious salute with both fingers and defiantly walks 10 miles home. (Definitely not sobbing into his black frostbitten hands.)
6. You reside where?
Only in Glasgow is the question “Where you fae” not a friendly request asking to learn more about where your ancestral roots lie or in which part of the country you were initially born. It means. “Wit team ye f***** claimin ya bam”.
5. Youth bonding groups
Only in Glasgow does the term “Young Team” fail to imply an under 18’s sports or community group, regularly attended for recreational activities. It implies a group of young n’er’do’wells who are definitely eyeing up the contents of your bag, jacket and shiny new shoes. And whether you’ll put up a challenge to retain said items if confronted. Comparisons to scavenging hyenas are quite common.
4. Vertical elevation issues
Only in Glasgow does the term, “want to jump in for us big man” not imply leaping into an otherwise untested swimming pool you have been given the responsibility of supervising over, whilst simultaneously supervising a group of well adjusted teens. It implies “aw right mate fancy getting me, Wee Joe, Skullion, Baby Brady and Roxeanne, the largest, most potent bottle of alcohol available? So we can cause absolute havoc, hunt like marauding Norsemen and by morning end up in full custody of child services.
3. Cursive Affection
Only in Glasgow can you use the foulest word in the history of the English language and mean it as a term of endearment. (The kind of word that gets you an automatic 18 certificate in the movies but 12 years old say it to their friends.)
2. Transport Bafflement
Only in Glasgow can one of the most popular and essential routes of public transport throughout 21st century Britain (the Subway) inexplicably close at 6pm on a Sunday. Leaving half the city in a state of bewilderment and at danger of wandering into oncoming traffic as a result of said shock.
1. Viva Revolución
Only in Glasgow would the students of a university vote in favour of granting the accolade of Rector to one of the world’s most wanted men. A person wanted by the authorities with such fervour that he is unable to even visit the country his award was granted in, to receive it in person.
So what did we miss Glasgow? Let us know with a comment below.