Which one are you? (Clue- if you don’t recognise them, then they’re you)

1. The corner shop worker who ID’s you for vodka and the cheapest expensive-looking bottle of wine

You aren’t sure whether to be mildly annoyed that you still look like a 17 year old, or simply flattered. It’s not like you’re in there every other week making the exact same purchase, to your shame.

2. The friend who never knows what to wear and sends you snapchats of everything

My @lumeecase is life!!! Yep we own the patent sooooo go to Lumee.com to get the original! Your selfies will be lit!!!! Xo

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

Before finally settling on the outfit they started with, a flashy number from Forever 21 (RIP). Extra points to them if they have a designated person to shine lights on them for their selfies, like KK.

3. The friend you only ever see on nights out, but you get on like a house on fire

You seem as though you’ve known each other for years rather than the duration of two parties and, if you’re being honest, you don’t remember the second one that somehow ended at the necropolis at dawn. But time does fly when you’re having fun.

4. The friend who peaks at predrinks and might not make it out

You always warn them against the perils of just one can of Dragon Soop. At least they always have a cheap night.

5. The banterous/grumpy taxi driver depending on how lucky you are that night

Taxi driver banter in Glasgow. A rare but wonderful art form.

6. The bouncer at the first bar

Image from Fundians

So far, so good.

7. The bouncer at the club

Screenshot 2016-02-16 15.11.20

Always a lot more risky by this point in the night.

8. The one that asks for a cigarette and definitely doesn’t smoke when sober

Don’t be a social smoker! But if you must, be sure to light the right end.

9. The girls-night-outers who squeal a lot when their song comes on

Usually seen travelling in groups to the toilets in Bamboo

10. The one who actually can outdance everyone else in the room

Tip – it’s never the one you expect it to be. Look out for them in Buff Club and in the smaller rooms in Garage, make notes, and learn.

11. The frazzled barstaff who aren’t your friend (despite you having spent a majority of the evening with you so far) and won’t give you mates rates.

Perhaps this would actually be more efficient for everyone involved.

12. The one who went missing at some point and miraculously appears in the club at 1am

Spoiler: it will be the most exciting moment of the night.

13. The one who always gets angsty after too much to drink and tries to start fights

and …

14. The sensible parent figure who sorts everyone out

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15. The person who insists they’re fit to walk home at the end of the night

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By this point it’s raining. And you would do anything to be magically teleported to bed, but no, you feel morally obliged to escort that person who seems to become exponentially drunker when the lights come on back to their own refuge first.

16. The wonderful take-away shop worker who makes your chips & kebabs dreams come true

Literally already drooling. Sometimes I only go out because it’s an excuse to eat chips at 2am.

17. The Sauchiehall St buskers still on hand to keep the party going

Always reliable to be there, if not to be tuneful. Respect.