Anyone’s who has spent a significant length of time in Glasgow will be aware of how much the weather can dominate everyday life. Talking about the weather is often considered a distinctly British trait, but when you get rained on, hailed on and sunstroke just walking from Central to Queen Street, you can definitely argue that Glasgow’s weatherman (lady? person?) in particular just loves being the centre of attention and demands to be a part of the conversation at all times. If you want to stay ahead of the weather in Glasgow, you need to be prepared. Glasgow Living have put together a water-tight, weather-proof (ish) plan to help you stay comfortable this spring.

1. Always check the forecast

Image (and meteorology) courtesy of Viper, West End

I wouldn’t take it seriously or anything. Just make sure that you’ve seen it so that you are ready to express your amazement when the 15 degree sunshine turns to black ice over your lunch break.

2. The occasional five pence carrier bag will help in emergencies

Image Courtesy of juliaknitwits.blogspot.co.uk – this is a tried and tested technique

Remember when the bag charge came in and the people-watching improved hugely just outside of supermarkets as people tried to carry 6 onions, a bag of apples, a bag of carrots, two bottles of vino, cereal boxes and a creme egg without paying for a bag and failed miserably? The things us Scots will do to save five pence. Instead of berating yourself for the times you forgot bags – just remember that now you are ready for the terrible time that we like to call springtime. Leaky shoes? No problem. Bonus points for getting bags (and nothing else) from Waitrose to make yourself look like one fancy puddle-dodger.

3. Choose multi-tasking accessories

Umbrella? In this wind? Useless. Sunhat? Ditto. But combine the two and you might just be getting somewhere. We recommend adding a fashionable velcro strap to keep it in place effectively. And don’t forget to wear it with pride.

4. Watch out for potholes

You think you know the drill… stand back when the bus is coming, keep an eye on the Police Scotland website in case any more serial soakers (real thing) come to town, but Glasgow has some notoriously deep potholes that just keep on growing and when the rain comes down, they fill up fast and are always deeper than you expect. I genuinely live in fear of somehow ending up on top of a subway train heading to Govan after a misplaced, carefree puddle splashing session gone horribly wrong. You have been warned.

5. No really, we were serious about not bothering with umbrellas

It’s only natural, when living in such a dreich place as Glasgow, to develop a real passion for umbrellas. The anti-socially huge golfing one that you accidentally prod people with walking down the street? That one met its end in a bin off Bath Street. The cute, compact one that fit easily in a bag pocket? Somewhere down the Clyde. If you really really must have an umbrella in Glasgow, try not to get too attached. Physically (see Mary Poppins for example) or emotionally.

6. Respect the rules of taps aff

Courtesy of Made From Scotland

Taps aff will never get old in Glasgow. However, in order to protect the enduring legacy of this catchy, catchy phrase, the following rules should be observed:

Not on public transport, please. There’s nothing quite like a full train and some drunkards who have already misplaced their clothing and they’ve not even made it to predrinks yet

Not in any weather less than 20 degrees centigrade

Not in the snow just to show what a hard man ye are (yer nae)

By following these simple guidelines, we can ensure that taps aff remains a suitably rare and therefore celebratory phenomenon, just like the sunshine itself that makes it all possible. And for the love of the wee man, don’t forget to put on sun cream, ye peely-wallies!

7. Try to keep an extra layer in your bag at all times, just in case

I find it useful to follow the Duke of Wellington’s example when unsure of how best to dress. If he’s got his hat on, then you can wear yours. Simple.

8. Scottish hurricanes deserve respect…

… Unfortunately, Scots are quite reluctant to give it to them. As long as we hear about supposed hurricanes on the news, we will continue to give them names like Hurricane Bawbag.

9. No matter what, remember to keep smiling and make the most of it

As much as we moan about our ridiculous weather, we’re also never ready to let it stop us having a good time. So enjoy springtime, Glasgow. Sunshine, showers, snow, you could argue that we’re spoilt for choice!