Glasgow’s Ultimate Dinner Party Guest List
Emerging from behind a mass of Amazonian vegetation like the king of the jungle he truly is, our national – or world – treasure, Sir David Attenborough has topped a poll to reveal the legend as the dinner guest with whom Scots would most like to share a takeaway. The results emerged from Just Eat’s nationwide poll to herald the launch of voting for the British Takeaway Awards, with the likes of Ant & Dec, Kim Kardashian, Nigella Lawson and Simon Cowell joining Sir David on Scotland’s dream dinner date list.
The results got us thinking – if we were to throw the ultimate dinner party at Glasgow Living HQ, which mighty Glaswegians would make the cut? Here’s our dream guest list – how could any of them possibly refuse?
The most important component of the dinner party is the food, right? So we’re sure that with the help or Mr Ramsay’s epicurean expertise, we’ll all be having a f&*@ing fan dabby dozy soirée in no time.
We’ve all been to a dinner where time seemed to stand still. To combat this, we propose reeling in the Tenth Doctor to regale the party with wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stories from the T.A.R.D.I.S.
WeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeelll – whether you want to sing along to ‘shout’ or just shout straight in her face instead, we couldn’t leave one of Glasgow’s most iconic songstresses off the list.
With food in our bellies, there will be no better after-dinner treat than to kick back and listen to the musical stylings of Mr Nutini, which we’re sure to give 10/10.
In the words of the Big Yin himself, “People say “life is short”. What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!”, so to pick up the pace and get dinner lols a-flowing, there’s no more reliable choice than big Bill to, well, fit the bill.
Once upon a time hailed as the “nicest man in pop”, there’s no better reason to invite Travis’ leading man.
Bringing class, sass and most definitely ‘yass’ – Texas’ frontwoman is a frontrunner at the table of our dreams.
Since two of Doctor Who’s legendary Doctors hail from Glasgow, we thought for balance, it would be best to have both of them along to battle it out (to the death) for the title of ‘Ultimate Time Lord’. Only joking, no death.
Image: The Doctor Who Companion
Did somebody ask for a heavy dusting of flamboyance? The epitome of ostentatious comes in no better form than that of the all-singing, all-dancing John Barrowman. Purple tartan suit most definitely obligatory.
Just imagine it – the hours of conversion we could have with one of the country’s most esteemed actors. We’d probably spend the night just trying to get him to say, “Yer a wizard, Harry” instead.
Who called for controversy? Oh, it was probably Frankie Boyle himself. The mittens will most certainly be off and boxing gloves firmly on, as no man, woman or child will be safe from the savageness of Boyle. On the plus side, we’re certain he’ll be a good sport when it comes to getting rid of everyone at the end of the night.
If someone hasn’t shat in your kettle is it even a dinner party? Mr Bridges will attest to the fact that, no, it it most certainly is not. Vying for top comedy prize against Frankie Boyle, jokes are bound to reach new levels of brutality.
Choose an icon. Choose an era-defining actor. Choose a legend. Choose Bob. And who knows? Perhaps once he’s a good few beers in maybe Begbie himself will make an appearance. “Leave it Franko!!!”
You’ve probably already seen him around the West End, so we’re thinking we could tempt him to come just a wee bit further out of his domain. The renowned writer and artist would be sure to add a delightful dollop of eccentricity to the ambience, making for a fine asset to our dinner table. Maybe we could even get him to paint a cheeky wee mural in our office while he’s there, too?
Surely there’s no heart cold enough in Scotland to dislike oor Lorraine? But if it IS you, stop reading this article and get out right now. Go on – OOT. We’re definitely inviting the lovely jubbly, ever-smiling, sing-song voice Lorraine to our soirée and she’s even getting an extra piece of cake. So there.
Sill Game’s lovable rogue, Methadone Mick, is bound to be a goldmine for riveting conversation and compelling tales from the streets. We’re particularly keen to get him on our team for charades. Great gnashers, too.